Chapter 5

Christmas Party

After draining your 8th cup of Christmas cheer
you stumble from the buffet table
snickerdoodle and fruitcake crumbs
accentuate your reindeer tie

As the classic 2001 “Now! That’s What I Call Xmas” serenades us
your Santa hat knocks over the mistletoe
and so with great joy you place it just above your belt buckle
and to my great horror I realize I’m drunk enough to find that funny

Then I turn away, grasping for the last bottle of merlot, silently
wishing you would eat that mistletoe so I could watch you die

Merry Christmas!

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Book Club (Haiku)

No, I do not care
to join your lame-ass book club
Oprah is a Sith Lord

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Unity (Haiku)

You’re a Democrat
I am a Republican
we both hate Dane Cook